Ankh-Morpork: A city of chaos and mercantile

If there were a red button that said „end of the world. Do not press.“, you can be assured that before the paint has dried, somebody from Ankh-Morpork will already have pressed it „just to see what happens“. (Typical behavior of an Ankh-Morporkian)

The city of Ankh-Morpork is divided by the river Ankh, which is said to be too thick to navigate and too fluid to walk on. Ankh-Morpork, with approximately one million inhabitants, is the largest city on the Discworld. Its winding streets are filled with people of all shapes, sizes and species. From dwarves to trolls to vampires, this city is a melting pot of cultures and identities. With over 50.000 dwarfs, Ankh-Morpork is the biggest dwarf city outside of Überwald. 
Due to its central position on Discworld Ankh-Morpork has also become the main trading hub and the richest city near Sto Plains. It imports raw materials and people who know how to turn them into exportable goods.  

Ankh-Morporks form of government is a tyranny. The current tyrant is Patrician Havlock Vetinari. Since Vetinary hates Mimes, any mimes should come in civil clothing.
The Patrician has economized criminality in Ankh-Morpork through the legalisation of the thieves, assassins and the seamstresses guild. I advise to pay a fee directly to the Thieves Guild and therefore become immune to robbery for a specific period. The City Watch is responsible for any crimes out of the guilds reach. Its headquater is located at Pseudopolis Yard. If you need medical help, you can turn to the Lady Sybil Free Hospital.  

A good start to your visit in Ankh-Morpork is offered by the guided tours of the historians guild. The historic tour starts at Sator Square and covers most of the must-see sights.  

The works of „Bloody Stupid“ Johnson are a lesser-known but interesting addition to your city tours. The Colossus of Ankh-Morpork, the Hanging Gardens of Ankh, and the Quirm Memorial, an arch to commemorate the Battle of Crumhorn. Since Johnson couldn’t use measurements correctly, those monuments are now kept in a cardboard box by the keeper of Monuments. He can usually be found asleep on a stool at a road junction somewhere near the Beggars‘ Guild.
Johnson also designed the gardens of the Patrician’s palace, which you wouldn’t want to miss. There you’ll find an exploding sundial, beehives that can house homing pigeons, and an ornamental trout lake, build long, but, sadly only a few centimeters wide. It currently houses one trout that is quite content provided it doesn’t want to turn around.  

The unseen University lies at the center of Ankh-Morpork. Even though the University grounds can’t be visited, the facade as well as the Tower of Art, which is said to be older than the city itself, are still worth a visit. 
Lovers of Art and culture should visit the opera, the theatre „The dysk“, the Dwarf Bread Museum as well as the Royal Art Museum.  

In Ankh-Morpork, you can find specialties from all around Discworld. I recommend checking out a dwarfs restaurant where you can eat rat in many different forms. 
The most famous bar is the mendum drum, a bar in which you’ll meet every living hero of Discworld if you wait long enough. There are also frequent staged bar fights. 
If you stay longer there are many private guest houses and hotels, as well as bars with guest rooms. While staying in the shadows is cheaper it is also more dangerous and I advise against it.  

This city is located on the Discworld which sits on the back of four elephants who are standing on the giant turtle Great A’Tuin travelling through space. The Discworld was created by Author Terry Pratchett. 
If you are interested in further exploring Ankh-Morpork I recommend checking out the Discworld novels, which provide a rich and detailed description of the city and its inhabitants.  

Author: em.sc
Picture: Discworld: The Ankh-Morpork Map for IPad